603 Original airdate: March 13, 2002 Episode chronology Previous Next "Jared Has Aides" "Freak Strike" List of all South Park episodes "Asspen" is the second episode of Season Six, and the 81st overall episode of South Park. Oh stop your bitchin' Butters! We have great news! When Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner shared their decision to pick up and move their family to Washington from New York four years ago, multiple … Well we're supposed to shoot yoru commercial today, you fat piece of crap! Did you really lose all that weight eating nothing but sub sandwiches? Come on, you're just in time! Weh- who do you think I'm talkin' about, Butters? Come on, Not-Kenny! Well, I know, ah I can't seem to lose it. We've gotta get down there! You, you think so. Butters begins a regimen to drop some pounds but when he begins to gain weight in … He is sooo cool. Come on, Jared, lighten up! I never asked to be famous; now everyone hates me! She lost forty pounds when she met Jared-, Jared Fogle • Oh stop your bitchin' Butters! Eh, you're the fat one. Italy reported 620 coronavirus-related deaths on Friday up from 414 the day before, the health ministry said, while the daily tally of new infections fell to 17,533 from 18,020. YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH NOW?! Everybody hate Jared. To City Wok so we can make our money. Because then lots of fat people would have believed it. Butters. Yeah! Cartman. Who is Hope Hicks? ...Y-you mean you all thought...? Keep eating or I'll kick you till you're deader than Kenny! Oh, come on! 03/06/2002. Welcome to Shitty Wok. Chef Yeah, I don't like shattering fat peoples' dreams. Oh my. Oh boy, this is fantastic! Damnit Butters! Alright I'd better get out of here before they get back. Watch Episode "Jared Has Aides" "Asspen" "Freak Strike" "Asspen" Episode no. That's my whole point. Oh, I'll be waiting with horse bells on, you old... horse-bangin' skank. Our fat friend here is going to lose forty pounds eating at Shitty Wok. I got aides about two years ago and I've been losing weight ever since. You've changed my whole life. Eh you're the fat one. Getting to work for Jared on four peace deals has been the highlight of my tenure in government. Do you guys remember what a cool friend Kenny was? Okay, now put one end of the tube a half an inch into the incision. I ain't gettin' married; my parents will ground me! Trump’s “got a bunker mentality now, he really does,” said a close adviser to the president. Oh, I'll be waiting with horse bells on, you old... horse-bangin' skank. What kind of talk is that? Chef, we need Butters to gain about fifty pounds fast. South Park: The Stick of Truth; South Park: The Fractured But Whole; South Park: Phone Destroyer When Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner shared their decision to pick up and move their family to Washington from New York four years ago, multiple … Mayor McDaniel I almost wish I had never gotten aides! I didn't think it was that big of a deal. In "Jared Has Aides", he was chosen by Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and Eric Cartmanas their fourth friend when Kenny McCormick died. Everybody hate Jared. Yeah, well, Dad's being a little pussy, Mom. Having aides - is - awesome! But... Jared got millions! A senior aide to U.S. President Donald Trump has scrapped plans to visit Canada for talks with officials in Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s team, a Canadian government source said on Monday. A report by Forbes has revealed that every single upcoming Jared Leto Joker project has been put on hold – which is no laughing matter for the Oscar-winning actor. Nope. But I still wanna be the leader in a fitter America, and so I'm here to tell you, that you should ALL go out and get aides! Scary statue for sale! That guy ate all the sandwiches he wanted and lost weight. Now, I think the four million should be split evenly among the three of us, except that. It's nice that he finally has your sons to be his best buddies! Another Singer Besides, I'd get grounded. And- Well- Well I, I also had a little help on the side. Linda and Chris Stotch Wull I can't eat no more. Oh, you just weit till I get home, mister!! Dude! And then gone and eaten a ton of Chinese food instead of dieting properly. Do you have anything to say before you die?! I know. You've changed my whole life. You are gonna get it, mister!! Don't forget, a third of that four million dollars is mine! We're supposed to get married! I tell you this is gonna be the greatest thing that Butters has ever done. Well, why... should it matter? And so, with all the money I've made from commercials, I have decided to start the Aides for Everyone Foundation! No, but they're due home any minute. Well, I guess that wasn't enough! The four boys sit on the sofa looking at television, except Butters is asleep at one end. Trump refuses to pay Giuliani for failed attempt to overturn election In addition to blocking the payments owed to Giuliani, White House aides were also ordered not to field calls from him. One New Yorker. I feel lucky to have played my role. Yet now they find themselves staring down the end of the ignominious Trump presidency: the United States Capitol still […] It's been 22.3 years, so... AIDS is finally funny! Yeah, well, Dad's being a little pussy, Mom. Trump ignored … I so grad AIDS is funny now. If I don't answer the ph-phone, it'll tell 'em I'm up to no good! That's right! I can't lose weight, Butters, 'cause I'm not fat. It was selected No. AIDS • Thank you-hoo, thank you all. Jared did like a hundred for Subway Sandwiches. Oh, huh- Don't you give us that look young man! Here's the before and after photos. us, you little punk!! Sri Lanka v England: Joe Root makes 168 not out as tourists build big lead . Don't you see what this all means? Fifteen dowlar? After starring in the WB Network/CW drama alongside Jensen Ackles since 2005, Padalecki’s first thought was of continuing their partnership beyond that one show. Wuh well I told you my parents would be sore, and they said for... havin' liposuction surgery, I can't play outside for five days. What a great day for humanity. Come on, you're just in time! South Africa: Government Delays Opening of Schools. So now you can pay us to use him in your commercials and you'll have your very own Jared! Tom, I'm standing out in front of the Mayor's office, where the big liar, Jared, is once again about to speak. But uh... some young boys were talkin' to me earlier, and... it made me think that people might not be so proud of my weight loss if they knew something. Hey, I'm not a-Subway, I Shitty Wok. They completely believed I was you on the phone! I can't go anywhere, fellas. Stan: He's such a … It originally aired on July 3, 2002. That's how long it takes for something tragic to become funny. Because then lots of fat people would have believed it. Crowd Members This was a demanding task for the South Park studios at the time, and production of the episode was stretched out across several months. He sick in the head. And then gone and eaten a ton of Chinese food instead of dieting properly. They gonna kill Jared downtown right now. I almost wish I had never gotten aides! Just think about all those people following you around, singing songs to you just because you lost some weight... Christine, you know I love you very much, and I, I can't wait for the wedding. Well don't you see what this means? In the spring of 2019, while Jared Padalecki was finishing shooting what would become the penultimate season of “Supernatural,” he began to sketch out an idea for his next project. We wanna show the world how healthy your food is. Aw, man, if I was older, I would totally start jacking off right now. If they knew that you didn't eat just all the sandwiches you want, you might not be so popular. City Wok • We, we woulda never laughed about this before. List of all South Park episodes "Jared Has Aides" is the first episode of Season Six, and the 80th overall episode of South Park. So now you can pay us to use him in your commercials and you'll have your very own Jared! You get up to your room right now, mister! Alright, Jared, you sick pervert! With aides you can literally watch the fat melt away! You mean, Jared's aides are like my aides? Kyle Episode 602 - Jared Has Aides Cast: Stan Kyle Cartman Butters City Wok Owner Mr. Garrison Jared Vogle, Subway spokesman Christine Jonez, Jared's fiancée Randy Marsh Chef Subway Singer Commercial announcer A Worker for Subway Jared's aides, Scott and Tyler Subway Representatives Another Singer Linda and Chris Stotch Gerald Broflovski Field Reporter Jimbo Mayor McDaniel Skeeter … Oh, no, I thought you meant you. Yeh, I know I know, I know. Oh, no, I thought you meant you. Oh boy, this is fantastic! DON'T YOU "Hi, Mom and Dad!" Trump and his allies have targeted leaders across the country in their unhinged fight to undo the president’s defeat. The name "JARED FOGLE" appears on the screen near the bottom] What a great day for humanity. He is. You rike to try Shitty Chicken today? What kind of talk is that? Are you having liposuction surgery? Yes, it is my hope that every beautiful child on this earth has aides by next month! Ladies and gentlemen, we at Subway are happy to inform you that Jared has elected to stay in South Park in order to speak to you once again! I'm gonna seek out all the underprivileged and hungry children of the world, and I'm going to give them aides myself! Ladies and gentlemen, a- at first I didn't understand why you felt betrayed by the fact that my aides helped me to lose weight, but now I understand that it isn't fair that- I had aides and most of you don't. Sir, we have come to offer you the business deal of a lifetime. Mr. Vogle, some fans wanted to see if you'd sign their sandwich? Well, why... should it matter? It says I only ate a half-sized lean turkey sandwich with no mustard or mayo or anything like that and then had proper diet and exercise aides. Oh!! Mr. Mackey Jared Leto has put his lavish Hollywood Hills pad back on the market after sprucing up the place with landscaping and freshening up the paint and fittings. Wercome to Shitty Wok. Butters' house, living room. Fifteen dowlar? Come on, Not-Kenny! Joyce de Witt? No, I totally covered for you. Uh not from you dumbasses, that's for sure. His name is Jared and he likes to eat the sandwiches... OH, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT, MISTER! Dude, we just need you to come down to City Wok real quick so they can see how skinny you are! He later appeared in "200" as one of the celebrities suing the town. The script decrying the bill was not written by people involved in the negotiations, and some aides have been trying to decipher where it came from. Subway is a healthy way to eat fast food and lose weight! On Wednesday Trump pardoned Kushner as part of a late-hour clemency spree during the final days of his presidency that has included a slew of campaign aides and allies, among them four of … I can't go anywhere, fellas. Though Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner have separate living space at Mar-a-Lago, where the outgoing first couple intends to live post-White House, one source said Melania Trump "hasn't exactly rolled out the welcome mat." It's amazing how slim you can get with aides. First we fatten him up, then we make the deal with City Wok, then take the weight back off. Written and directed by series co-founder Trey Parker, "200" was rated TV-MA L in the United States. I think this is a bad idea, fellas. Say they'll eat nothing but their Chinese food, but then eat only a little tiny bit of it and exercise. The script decrying the bill was not written by people involved in the negotiations, and some aides have been trying to decipher where it came from. Stand back, children! The elder Trump siblings have simmering issues, too, most stemming from how the President has behaved over the past two weeks. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. It aired on March 6, 2002.1 As the country becomes obsessed with a popular weight loss program, the boys see an opportunity to become sponsored by a major restaurant chain. Pardons issued as the president leaves the White House are not uncommon. We wanna show the world how healthy your food is. Even as Trump has spent time venting to aides and confidantes, one tangible issue he has been focused on is how to apply his power to pardon before … Though told that he has just 30 days left to live, Woodroof refuses to give in to despair. Are you trying to get yourself in more trouble with that kind of language?! I offered to give aides to kids and everyone wants me dead! He was seen trying to catch Syrian Refugee Children at the PC Deltafraternity house, satirizing the controversy over his outing as a child sex offender and losing his sponsorship at Subway. People don't hate you. He's still lookin' good! Trump has expressed concerns to advisers that a Biden Justice Department might investigate all of them. I love you too, Jared. I'm big-boned. Alright alright, I'll stay here and answer the phone for you. I never asked to be famous; now everyone hates me! You rike to try Shitty Chicken today? I sure did! Did you really lose all that weight eating nothing but sub sandwiches? You know what? Script. Just think about how famous you'll be! The liposuction is a process of siphoning out the excess fat. Why did I ever do those stupid commercials? Ugh, come on guys, we gotta sort this out. To achieve this look, many assets had to be built from scratch. Here's the before and after photos. First we fatten him up, then we make the deal with City Wok, then take the weight back off. [the boys quiet down and cover their mouths as the call goes through to City Wok, a … As the country becomes obsessed with a popular program for losing weight, the boys see an opportunity to become sponsored by a major restaurant chain. Yes. (CNN)When Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner shared their decision to pick up and move their family to Washington from New That's right. We have great news! Don't you "Hi, Mom and Dad!" Dude! Skeeter Well, that's not really what you say in the commercial. They'd still be fat and, we'd be responsible for their shattered dreams. Thank you all so much. What's to stop someone else from going to say, City Wok, and cutting a deal with them? Our friend has lost forty pounds eating your City Wok food. Hey, I'm not a-Subway, I Shitty Wok. I not putting no Jared in my Shitty Wok commercial. After a, That guy ate all the sandwiches he wanted and lost weight. Meet Trump's Aide & See Photos of Them Together: Photo #4489614. Tell me the truth! And- Well- Well I, I also had a little help on the side. Much-derided monument to Russian girl put up for auction after local residents demand its removal. [the boys begin to sway for each line], I love you too, Jared. When they got engaged, Ivanka Trump said in an interview that she knew Kushner was the one when she found his ambition matched hers. I-I just keep pukin' it up. Chef, we need Butters to gain about fifty pounds fast. But you're lying to people. Well, I guess we're gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way. Hey now, come on. Steve Holland, Jeff Mason, Matt Spetalnick and Andrea ShalalThu, 14 January 2021, 6:35 pm 1 / 4 Inside Trump’s final days: Aides struggle to contain an angry, isolated president FILE PHOTO: U.S. President Donald Trump boards Marine One at Joint Base Andrews in Maryland to return to the White House By Steve Holland, Jeff Mason, Matt… Do you have anything to say before you die?? Damnit Butters! Gerald Broflovski The reason I was able to lose so much weight so quickly was that I got aides. Uh hey, yeah. Having aides - is - awesome! Tom, I'm standing out in front of the Mayor's office, where the big liar, Jared, is once again about to speak. He sick in the head. [he struts down a sidewalk. I sure did! That's true. After a. Losin' weight is harder than puttin' it on. Tags: Kyle Garrison Butters Randy Marsh Stan Chef partying Tuong Lu Kim Mr. Mackey City Wok AIDS Mayor McDaniels Aides Jared Terrance & Phillip Peace is a beautiful thing,” he added. You can't slim down bones, stupid! Maybe they're all just jealous that they can't afford to hire their own aides. Jared Has Aides. But... Jared got millions! Thank you-hoo, thank you all. Alright, Jared, you sick pervert! Then it's time... We can undo the banner! And with the proper mix of aides and Subway sandwiches, anything is possible! Did he say AIDS? Mr. Garrison I have aides. You're gonna get it! It's been 22.3 years, so... AIDS is finally funny! I am going to personally see to it that each and every one of you gets aides! Don't forget, a third of that four million dollars is mine! Well, I guess we're gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way. Relationships Edit. And with the proper mix of aides and Subway sandwiches, anything is possible! When Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner shared their decision to pick up and move their family to Washington from New York four years ago, multiple … Butters. Woke definition is - aware of and actively attentive to important facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice). Here, have some more mayonnaise. Steve Holland, Jeff Mason, Matt Spetalnick and Andrea ShalalThu, 14 January 2021, 6:35 pm 1 / 4 Inside Trump’s final days: Aides struggle to contain an angry, isolated president FILE PHOTO: U.S. President Donald Trump boards Marine One at Joint Base Andrews in Maryland to return to the White House By Steve Holland, Jeff Mason, Matt… appears on the screen] That's right. Cartman, Stan, and Kyle are on the sofa laughing as Cartman does some prank calls. Oh, gee whiz, I'm not.. uhwatchin' television, Dad, I'm just... layin' around jackin' it. The liposuction is a process of siphoning out the excess fat. Trump has considered a range of pre-emptive pardons for family, including his three oldest children — Donald Jr., Eric Trump and Ivanka Trump — Ivanka Trump’s husband, senior White House adviser Jared Kushner, and for close associates like the president’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani. They completely believed I was you on the phone. My calculations put that at about four million dollars. God! Weh- who do you think I'm talkin' about, Butters? “He has tasked deputy chiefs of staff Rick Dearborn and Joe Hagin with bringing some order to the president’s schedule, pushing them to plan events further in advance and to include one public-facing event each day and one travel event each week, according to a senior White House aide. Subway Singer You have to! It was the 200th episode of the series. (Getty Images) Biden's other … Christine Jonez, Jared's fiancée Yeah. If they knew that you didn't eat just all the sandwiches you want, you might not be so popular. Let's listen in. While the adults trapped at a time-share sales meeting, Stan is challenged by the best skier on the mountain. Commercial announcer Mr. Fogle, some fans wanted to see if you'd sign their sandwich? Yeah, I don't like shattering fat people's dreams. You wouldn't be a penisbutt, Butters, you'd be famous. No, you don't understand. Apparently, Jared hopes to regain his celebrity hero status, which was lost when he announced that it was AIDS, not sub sandwiches, that caused him to lose weight. Why did I ever do those stupid commercials? You get up to your room right now, mister! 2 on the "10 South Parks that Changed the World" list, and was also part of "South Park's Dirty Dozen." I'm sorry, guys, but I...I think I wanna be aides-free for a while. I feel woozy. Twenty-two point three years. His name is Jared I ain't gettin' married; my parents will ground me! Jared Vogle, Subway spokesman Yah they, they gonna kill him. The couple have never been shy about their combined love of power. Come on back, children. Well, that's not really what you say in the commercial. Well ah I don't know what to tell ya. Jared Has Aides. Much-derided monument to Russian girl put up for auction after local residents demand its removal. This is unbelievable! Her name is Jonez, Christine Jonez Uh hey, yeah. What?! Oh my. Some aides want to cast him as as too cozy with China; others are eager to portray him as too old and on the decline mentally, or as a Beltway insider. Are you having liposuction surgery? "(Punch)". Jared did like a hundred for Subway Sandwiches. He lost weight because he ate less of them and exercised. Maybe they're all just jealous that they can't afford to hire their own aides. [dialing] Shu- shut up you guys, shut up you guys. If you would like to dispute a trivia point, please discuss it in the article comments. A woman: Is he serious? Pompeo has spent much of the past year berating China and arguing that the Trump administration's hard-line policies are one of the many areas in which the president "flipped the script" on traditional appeasement. South Park. Randy Marsh Jared Has Aides [6.1] [] Jared Fogle: [beats dead horse with baseball bat] I tell my girlfriend I have aides and she leaves! This page is a gallery for images from Season Six's "Jared Has Aides". I think we're looking at a non-exclusive two-year fifty-picture deal here. It would have been wrong to exploit Butters' weight loss. Well don't you see what this means? Jared Has Aides (Original Airdate: 3/6/02) As the country becomes obsessed with a popular program for losing weight, the boys see their opportunity to become sponsored by a major restaurant chain. Cartman's house, living room, day. Do you guys remember what a cool friend Kenny was? Jared doesn't have "AIDS," AIDS, he has. Here, have some more mayonnaise. Aides for everyone!! Besides, I'd get grounded. I can't lose weight, Butters, 'cause I'm not fat. Uh not from you dumbasses, that's for sure. With aides … Well, when City Wok sees how skinny Butters is, they're not gonna want him to just make one commercial, they're gonna want several. Several aides hoped Trump would still sign the bill, noting he did not explicitly say he would veto it. We can still get married Christine, I mean, sure, they're. If I don't answer the ph-phone, it'll know I'm- I'm up to no good! Jared doesn't have "AIDS" aids, he has. Y- you think so. If Butters is naturally skinny, he'll be able to take the weight off faster. Well, eating sub sandwiches was a big part of it. My calculations put that at about four million dollars. This vitriol is the fruit of the president’s rhetoric and actions. But the way that I lost so. Well ah I don't know what to tell ya. It is not clear whether … Wull I can't eat no more. With aides you can literally watch the fat melt away! Oh no, no way! "Jared's Theme". Jared: Having aides - is - awesome! Wuh well I told you my parents would be sore, and they said for... havin' liposuction surgery, I can't play outside for five days. 21:58. I've been grounded for havin' lipo-suction... surgery. We can still get married Christine, I mean, sure, they're. Hoh boy! You mean, Jared's aides are like my aides? That has got to be about the biggest misunderstanding EVER!! Uh, the opinions expressed by Mr. Fogle are not necessarily those of the Subway Company. Okay, so now, do you wanna use our friend in your commercials? We're gonna take before and after photos, and then, when he gets skinny from eating your food, we'll show the world. Members of Congress (such as the House Minority Leader) were trying to reach him by phone, calling Jared, Ivanka, and other aides. AD Oh, no, no, no! Italy has registered 77,911 COVID-19 deaths since its outbreak came to light on Feb. 21, the second highest toll in Europe and the sixth highest in the world. [a man appears eating a footlong subway sandwich. ...Y-you mean you all thought...? South Africa: Government Delays Opening of Schools. According to the report: “The Suicide Squad sequel is moving forward as a sort of soft reboot to some extent, and is expected to have a new cast of characters and avoid direct tie-in to the first film’s events. Scary statue for sale! Kenny woulda took it like a man! President Donald Trump arrives at Election Day on Tuesday toggling between confidence and exasperation, bravado and grievance, and marinating in frustration that he … Just think about all those people following you around, singing songs to you just because you lost some weight... Christine, you know I love you very much, and I, I can't wait for the wedding. It is not clear whether a self-pardon would work. Yes, it is my hope that every beautiful child on this earth has aides by next month! That has got to be about the biggest misunderstanding ever! Don't you know? Mom and Dad didn't... find out I... left the house, did they? Yeah, but you know, I've learned something today. [a side shot of Jared walking smoothly behind a white picket fence in Downtown, then of slices of a party sub, then of the first sandwich], His name is Garrison, Mr. Garrison. I not putting no Jared in my Shitty Wok commercial! The couple have never been shy about their combined love of power. But I still wanna be the leader in a fitter America, and so I'm here to tell you, that you should ALL go out and get aides! I'm gonna seek out all the underprivileged and hungry children of the world, and I'm giong to give them aides myself! What's to stop someone else from going to say, City Wok, and cutting a deal with them? That's how long it takes for something tragic to become funny. To City Wok so we can make our money. I... left the house, did they I love you too Jared... Combined love of power thought you meant you the 87th episode of the tube a half inch... Sorry, guys, shut up, Butters, you 'd sign their sandwich,. Left to live, Woodroof refuses to give aides to kids and everyone wants me!... Say, City Wok so we can make our money can finally be about! Know, ah I do n't forget, a third of that four million should be split evenly among three. That four million dollars is mine a cameo appearance in the town where! 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' lipo-suction... surgery continues to spread in your commercials a gallery for images from Season Six 's Jared.